The Top 10 Failures in Seattle's History:

Instead of jumping right into the list, I thought I'd say a few things about the honorable mentions that almost made it. First, Frank Gehry, for designing the Experience Music Project. For all the money Paul Allen spent on this building, it sure is ugly. Secondly, Pearl Jam, for every album they recorded after Vitalogy. Granted, that I gave up listening to anything they produced after 2000.

I'm sure there are more things that deserve a spot on this list, or at the very least, an honorable mention, but I've already spent half a day coming up with this list and don't really feel like noodling on it more than that. Feel free to throw in your 2 cents in the comments section. Okay, enough of my rambling. Without further adu...

The Top 10 Failures in Seattle's History:

10. In 2001, the Seattle Mariners tied the major league record for wins in a season, tallying 116 in all. While this could easily be considered one of the greatest successes in Seattle’s history, the Mariners failure to make it past the New York Yankees in the ALCS and into the World Series earns them a spot on this list.

9. Although the season is not over yet, the 2008 Seattle Mariners have also secured themselves a spot on this list. Topping their 116 win season in 2001, the Mariners spent $117 million dollars in payroll this year. With three games left to play, the Mariners have accumulated a staggering 101 losses this season. Currently, this ranks third behind their 103 (1980), and 102 (1983) loss seasons. Regardless of how many losses they end up with, you can chalk up this season as a failure.

8. January 4, 2004. Lambeau Field. The Seattle Seahawks vs. the Green Back Packers in the NFC Wild Card playoff game. The stakes? The right to move onto the NFC Divisional Playoff game. At the end of four quarters of play, the game is tied, 27-27. One word. Overtime.

The referee flips the coin in order to determine who gets the ball first. The Hawks win the toss. Do they want to play offensive or defense first? Matt Hasselbeck leans in towards the microphone and says,

“We want the ball, and we’re going to score!”

What transpired next was a Seahawks drive that ended abruptly when Hasselbeck’s throw was picked off by Packers defensive back, Al Harris, who then took it to the house for 6 points and the OT win. I have one word for you Matt Hasselbeck. FAIL.

7. Following the attack on Pearl Harbor, an internment camp was set up in Puyallup, WA. This camp was given the name Camp Harmony. Japanese-Americans were sent here for fear that they would provide Japan with information that would aid them in future attacks. This act of injustice would rank much higher on this list, except that the camp was located in Puyallup and not directly in Seattle.

6. Whoever is responsible for the poor planning of the transportation in and around the city of Seattle failed miserably at their job. Lucky for them, I don’t know exactly who that person is. If I ever find out their identity, I will be sure to update this list and place a big bag of s*** on their doorstep.

5. On February 10, 2000, Ken Griffey Jr. was traded to the Cincinnati Reds. Over the previous 10 years, The Kid had become the heart and soul of the Seattle Mariners ballclub.

While Junior did ask to be traded, I still need someone to blame for this failure, and that someone is the Seattle Mariners front office. Obviously, Griffey can’t be blamed for his own departure… after all, he is The Kid.

4. In 2006, Howard Schultz sold the Seattle SuperSonics to an Oklahoma City businessman, Clay Bennett. Failure to reach an agreement with the city of Seattle on a new arena for the Sonics then lead to the departure of the Sonics from Seattle in 2008. Along with this departure, Seattle also lost their one legitimate Championship title, as well phenom Kevin Durant and a six first-round draft picks (also, seven second-round picks) over the next three years on which to rebuild the team. A big thanks goes out to Howard Schultz, Clay Bennett, and the city of Seattle for failing miserably in their efforts to keep the Sonics in Seattle.

3. The Battle in Seattle. In 1999 the World Trade Organization convened in Seattle to launch trade negotiations leading into the new millennium. Protest over this event soon followed which eventually escalated into a full scale riot in downtown Seattle. Soon after, the trade negotiations collapsed, leading this event to become one of Seattle’s largest failures ever.

2. On September 25, 2008 the Seattle based thrift bank, Washington Mutual, became the largest bank to fail in the history of the United States. While depositors remained protected by the FDIC and operations were taken over by J.P. Morgan Chase, shareholders of the company were left standing out in the cold. This would rank as the number one Seattle failure of all time if it wasn’t for the fact the Washington Mutual was first created in 1889 in order to help the city of Seattle recover from…

1. The Great Seattle Fire. On June 6, 1889, in the carpentry shop of owner John Bachs, an overturned glue pot lead to a fire that decimated the city of Seattle. Over thirty-two city blocks went down in flames, as well as every railroad in the city, and all but four of the city’s piers. It is estimated that this disaster cost the city over $20 million dollars (remember, this was 1889…) and over 5,000 people lost their jobs. All because of a pot of glue...

While the Seattle Mariners did manage to make this list three times, I must say that The Great Seattle Fire still edges them out for the most EPIC FAILURE in the history of Seattle. So congratulations to John Bachs for causing this failure and taking home the Biggest Goat Award. Kerry Killinger (a.k.a. the former CEO of WaMu), Matt Hasselbeck, and the Mariners entire front office thanks you.

-dunkie